The drugs don't work.

I know, I have to be strong...
But last night, I did find a few answers.
When there's only one of you and you're living a double life,
there comes a time when you would have to chose between which life you want to live.
That's what happen to Aldric.

I realised that while he's being cheerful, playful, selfish, flirtatious, and all that...
it has given him a sense of strength, power, charm and infinite persuasiveness..
And that is a world of difference when he was with me...
Calm, sensitive, gentle, thoughtful and compassionate,
but also giving, freeing and self-sacrificing.

And so it's almost impossible,
to live the life he has with me,
while having this other life where he has to act and put on a mask.
Because... I don't want that mask, but he can't handle life without it.
Maybe I hurt him too much too,
or maybe it's the progress of life itself,
where things just add up and one day he woke up
and realised that he had had enough.

The feeling I have now, is like...the time when my dad was sick.
I love my dad no matter what, but when he was sick,
I lost my old dad.

It keeps ringing in my head though...
You are still you and I love you.

But now... I don't think I like you anymore.

I thought I might have been a drug at some point of Aldric's life...
I gave him my support and encouragement...
to be less self sacrificing, to seek his own hapiness, to stand up for himself.
To find a balanced life, where he gives equally as he take.
Did he take too much of me?
Because I am now a drug that don't work anymore.

He used to give too much and now he takes too much from me.
He's craving for love and attention.
And I scream to give...
but I'm not the right drug anymore.

I can't help him. He has to help himself.
I don't know what will happen in the future.
I can't even tell him how I feel anymore...
I'm afraid that I got it all wrong.

So, there's nothing I can do...but running away from him.